


there is nothing without hope

by Wind_Writes



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Assumed Relationship, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, F/M, Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Royai Week, Royai Week 2020, Tumblr Prompt, You’ve Got Snail Mail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24610480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wind_Writes/pseuds/Wind_Writes
Summary: It is one letter that leads Riza down her chosen path. It is the same letter she continues to go back to when all seems lost and reminds her why she is following him to the ends of the earth.(Day 1 "Letter" - Royai Week 2020)
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	there is nothing without hope

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Letter
> 
> My creation for Day 1 of Royai Week hosted on Tumblr. Enjoy!

It came from headquarters in the city, the writing on the envelope in a hand she would know anywhere. It was the first Riza had heard from him since her father's funeral and she wasn’t sure what to make of the correspondence. 

Alone in the crumbling kitchen, the lamp flickered and her hastily written name was illuminated across the piece of unopened mail, her golden gaze filled with anxiety as she debated its meaning. He’d left with her father’s life work and a promise that she could reach him in Central if she needed him, but there had been no talk of staying in touch. They’d be friends while he studied under her father, but with the relationship dissolved, Riza wasn’t sure where they sat now.

Were they still friends? Acquaintances? Memories from the past that they’ll both fondly think about but never see again? Roy was a huge piece of her childhood, but everyone needed to move on eventually, didn't they?

Finally stealing herself against the anxiety that had balled in her stomach, Riza popped the seal on the envelope and hastily scanned the writing for any sign of bad news. A heavy sigh of relief passed her lips when all she found were questions asking after her well being and casual conversation laced with the boyish humor she hadn’t realized she missed. It would seem he hadn’t changed that much since she last saw him.

Riza’s heart beat faster and her skin began to warm as she scanned the scribbled message. His words seemed so full of hope for what he could do for the people, full of optimism for the future he would create, and Riza stifled a soft chuckle as he rambled on about his friend Hughes and the work they were going to do. It was a relief to her that he’d found someone to keep an eye on him while he ventured down this new path. While Roy had been on the best of behavior around her father, Riza knew there was a mischievous side to her dark haired man and hopefully this Hughes gentleman would make sure Roy didn’t get into too much trouble.

The more she read, the smaller the ball of anxiety in her stomach became, a smile breaking across her features when he ended the letter with a promise to write again, but no guarantee he would be timely about it. By all accounts, Roy was thriving in the military and the way he wrote made Riza consider her own situation. 

She found herself scanning the dark kitchen, her shoulders hunching slightly as she realized what little she was accomplishing being in her childhood home. She had no family here, no reason to stay and Riza knew she wanted more for herself than what this simple life in the country could offer.

Central was a large city, the opportunities it offered would be endless. And the military- Riza frowned. Did she have what it took to wear the uniform? There was no question she knew how to take orders, her father had been barking them at her for years, but did she have the skills needed to be an asset for the future. Would she be of any help to the people of Amestris?

Riza chuckled, the sound hollow even to her ears. Years of defining her worth by how useful she was to others was so etched into her person that even now, when she was debating making a move to better herself, she was worried about what she could do for others.

With a final glance around the dingy kitchen, Riza carefully returned the letter back to the envelope and rose from the table. If she was going to make a change in her life, now was the time to do it and Roy painted a pretty bright picture for a future in the military.

* * *

There was nothing, in her mind anyways, redeeming about the desert land she was forced to call home. Days were brutal, the heat almost intolerable as sun blistered her skin, while nights were cold and lonely, forcing groups of exhausted soldiers to gather around measly fires for warmth or hide in their tents in an attempt to sleep away the sins they committed in the scorching heat. 

The wind whipped through the camp, sending the fire Riza was hunkered in front of dancing, forcing her to clutch her jacket close to her body to keep out the night chill. The letter she held in her grasp fluttered and for a moment she considered letting it go, the sentiment conveyed in the words no longer the reality she was led to believe, but something deep within stopped her.

The paper was worn from repeated unfolding and refolding over the course of time. The corners of it were tinged with oil from when she’d read it right after cleaning her service weapon and if she really focused, Riza was pretty sure it had taken on the scent of gunpowder from where she kept it in her chest pocket. 

Amber eyes scanned the words she’d read so many times before and Riza felt anger turn in her blood when she saw the signature at the bottom of the page. Her fist tightened around the words; how could she have let herself be so misled. 

“Youth,” she muttered to herself. “Youth and idealistic stupidity.” 

“Who are you talking to, Hawkeye?”

Pulled out of her wallowing, Riza eyed the dark haired man standing just across the flames from her. “No one, Major.”

“Mind if I join you?” Roy asked, his tired gaze eyeing the paper that hung loosely in her grasp. 

Not up for company but unable to turn the man away, Riza shrugged and gestured to the logs that had been used as makeshift benches. “Plenty of seats, sir.”

Roy hesitated for a moment, still uncomfortable with the formality of their relationship, before settling down beside her and focusing on the fire in front of him. 

The tension rolling off of her was almost palpable to the Alchemist, the set of her shoulders and the way she white knuckled the paper in her hand a dead give away. He knew there was no point in asking what was bothering her, their presence here enough of an answer, and instead Roy focused on the paper fluttering in the wind. A letter from friends still in cadet training probably, or maybe from a sweetheart she’d left behind? Roy bristled at the thought.

“Got a letter from home?” He asked, unable to squash the curiosity.

Riza’s grip on the letter tightened for a moment before folding it back up and returning it to the safety of the envelope in her chest pocket. “Nothing recent, sir.”

His lips quirked at the corner. “Hope it was good news, at least.”

“I thought it was-” she ran a hand through her short locks, “at the time.”

A time when his words had filled her with determination and the need to do better. A time when she thought joining up was the best course of action for her young ideals. A time that was no longer.

“Seems to be the common sentiment these days,” Roy muttered. 

Riza didn’t miss the change of tone in the Major’s words or the anger that flickered in his dark eyes before they focused back onto the flames in front of him.

“It would seem so, sir.” She agreed. 

There was no question that the Major was just as disgusted with his actions as she was and the anger Riza had felt towards her once friend retreated some as she studied him in the shadow of the flames. Gone was that boyish optimism she had grown up with and saw in the words of the letter hidden in her jacket; instead all that was left in its place was despondent compliance of orders and a hollow gaze in the wake of death. 

Roy ran a hand over his face, the exhaustion plain as day for all to see. This wasn’t what he’d signed up for, what he was supposed to use alchemy for. It was all wrong and somewhere along the way he’d allowed the innocent daughter of his teacher to get involved.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he lamented, focusing his attention on the young marksman beside him.

Not letting her feelings show, Riza held his gaze. “No sir.”

Something lingered in Mustang’s eyes and the young snipper found her mouth going dry. There was a plan cooking deep behind his gaze, an idea that she knew was just a flicker, but he would see it grow into something grand. Something he would do to answer for the wrongs they were committing.

Dejavu hit Riza like a sack of bricks as they stared at each other in silence. A very similar situation at her kitchen table, with him, as her father ranted away came to mind and it hit her that, even after all these years, they hadn’t lost the ability to communicate with just a look. 

Sensing the young woman caught on, in a sense anyways, to what he meant, Roy gave a curt nod and rose from his spot beside her. Morning would come early, and though he doubted he’d get much, he needed to attempt to catch some sleep. 

“Goodnight, Hawkeye.”

Before she could respond, the Major retreated towards the collection of tents and Riza was yet again left alone with her thoughts. 

As she watched his frame vanish amongst the canvas, Riza rested her hand over the pocket that held the letter, her heart skipping a beat, and resigned herself to hold onto it for a bit longer. 

* * *

The orders had come down swiftly and the team systematically shipped off with warning. The command room was eerily quiet as Riza carefully packed up her belongings, the last of them to go to her new assignment. Tomorrow she would report to the Fuhrer and just thinking about it left a sour taste in her mouth.

The last drawer to empty was the one with mostly personal effects, some papers, a couple of pictures, a toothbrush, dog biscuits and a well worn letter with an address long abandoned. She had stashed the letter there upon reassignment to Central, but up until today, had felt no need to reread the sentiments portrayed there.

Tentatively, Riza ran a calloused thumb over the broken seal; this letter, and the man who wrote it, had started a chain of events in her life that she would never have imagined happening the day she’d opened the envelope. It was because of this letter that she was standing here today, the reason why she was a political pawn to be used by a tyrant, and Riza couldn’t help but smile at the thought. 

Propped against the doorway of his office, Roy watched his number two toy with the yellowed envelope in her hands, her attention taken to another place in time. He’d never known her to be particularly nostalgic, always focusing on what was ahead of them, but something about the letter in her hand must have struck a chord.

“Do you have everything, Lieutenant?” He asked as he pushed away from his door and came to stand opposite of his subordinate. 

Startled, Riza dropped the letter into her box and focused her tired gaze on the man in front of her. “Yes, sir.”

The corners of Roy’s mouth quirked when a faint blush worked its way across his Lieutenant’s cheeks. “What’s this? A love note?”

“Nothing quite that dramatic, Colonel.” 

Quickly gaining control of her emotions, Riza continued to pack her box, even as Roy reached for the letter she’d tossed in with the rest of her belongings.

“I know this writing,” he mused, fingers ghosting across the faded address on the front of the envelope. It was an address from another lifetime, one from long ago where innocence and optimism shined through.

“I would hope so sir, it’s yours,” she confirmed.

“Mine.” It wasn’t a question. 

He couldn’t say he remembered writing to her, but based on the wear and tear of the paper it was fair to say it had been a number of years ago, before she was under his command. Just what had he written all those years ago. “How long have you held onto this?”

Riza shrugged, impassive as she finished loading the box down with her final items. “A while.”

“I would say so,” he muttered. 

Settling a hip on the corner of her desk, Roy hit her with a flirtatious smile, one she knew he used on the various women he dated. “What did I write to you back then?”

Always the professional, Riza ignored his half hearted attempt to get a rise out of her. “You don’t remember?”

“Can’t say I do.” Helping himself, Roy flipped the envelope over and reached for the letter inside, his dark eyes focused on her amber ones, daring her to stop him. “Can I read it?”

Not particularly concerned, Riza stared back at him, brows arched but her features otherwise expressionless. “If you want. It’s your letter.” 

She watched, curiously, as his fingers began to pull the paper from the envelope but then froze, the boyish grin he’d worn slipping from his features. “Sir?”

This wasn’t the time or place to be reliving the past. It should be done over a nice bottle of wine and good food, when neither of them were fighting against a corrupt government and preparing to risk their own mortality. Something as innocent as what was in a letter from their youth shouldn’t be tainted by what they were about to walk into.

With a resigned sigh, Roy stood from the desk and held out the letter. “Maybe another time, Lieutenant.”

Riza’s gaze traveled from the Colonel’s features to the letter he offered and she plucked it from his grasp, fingers grazing against his before securing it on the inside of her jacket. 

When all this was over, and if they both came out on the other end of it alive, she’d hand over the old correspondence. It would be a fitting way to close this chapter in their life, to see that ideals from years ago had finally come to fruition.

As if knowing what she was thinking, Roy offered a look he reserved only for her and straightened from the corner of her desk, as she gathered her box of belongings, and then led the way from their shared space for the last time. 

“I’ll walk you out.”

* * *

It was done. Central command was in shambles, the military in disarray, the number of casualties great, but they had succeeded. The Fuhrer’s tyrannous reign had been squashed and the secrets of the state laid bare for all to see. Years of planning and prepping, hours of intelligence gathering and surveillance had gone into making sure this coo was successful and yet, Riza found herself reminiscing back to where it all started.

All of this has been because of one man; one man and a letter he’d sent boasting the ideals of naive youthfulness. What if she hadn’t opened the letter that night? What if she hadn’t bought into his optimism? What if she had just stayed in the crumbling manor, in the safety of her small town? Maybe she would have ended up some shopkeeper’s wife or maybe a school teacher. Maybe she would have left anyway and found another life in some city, ignorant of the corruption all around. Her entire adult life had been shaped by a split second decision to break a seal and, despite all the maybes and what ifs, Riza was having a hard time picturing ending up anywhere else.

“Riza.”

A baritone voice from somewhere in the dark pulled Riza back to the present, she’d almost forgotten that she wasn’t alone. “Hm?”

“What were you thinking about.” Roy asked. 

He had laid there for a while, watching her in the dim glow from the lamps outside, and it was easy to see something was plaguing her.

There was only silence for a moment and Roy thought maybe she’d slipped off into slumber, but a shifting of the sheets and a resigned sigh from her bed told him otherwise.

“Nothing important,” she whispered. 

The damage to her throat was still fresh from the attack in the tunnels and she didn’t dare risk anything louder.

Roy scoffed. “Thanks to Dr. Marco, I can see that’s a lie.”

Riza chuckled, she should have known better. Even if he hadn’t regained his sight, she was confident he would have known her thoughts were anywhere but the present.

“The past,”’she finally admitted. “Wondering how we got here.”

Taken back by her candid admission, Roy was speechless for a moment. If he was a betting man, he’d have thought she was thinking about what was to come, what they still had to accomplish. He would have even ventured a guess she was worrying about the Elrich brothers or their blonde friend Riza had taken a shine to, but the past? He would have lost that bet.

Roy knew Riza wasn’t the type to reminisce about the past, those guilt trips down memory lane usually reserved for him, but he supposed with little to fill up the hours, she too, could succumb to less than fruitful pursuits of the mind.

Antsy in his own bed and needing to scratch an itch that had been insatiable recently, Roy slipped from under the covers and settled into the chair that sat between their two beds. Flipping on a small bedside lamp, he reached out to take the hand she had resting on top of the covers, intertwining their fingers. 

“I believe that was my fault,” he murmured. 

She gave his hand a quick squeeze and offered him a soft smile “I believe you’re right.”

His chuckle was void of humor as he dropped his gaze to the hand he held, thumb running along her scraped knuckles. There had been many times through the years that Roy had lost sleep over dragging all of his subordinates through the mess of trying to overthrow a government, but especially Riza. She had been with him since Ishval, had seen the worst of everything and, because of her close association to him, always faced the most risk. 

“Do you regret it?” He asked, not sure he wanted to know the truth.

“No.” Her response was quick and absolute. 

Never, in all her years of service, had Riza regretted following Roy down this path of redemption. She was as guilty as he was for the actions carried out in Ishval and since the moment she decided to keep his letter instead of toss it to the fire she’d made a promise to herself to see it through. 

Slipping her hand from his, Riza reached beneath the pillows that propped her up and handed an age worn, stained envelope to the man beside her.

Roy took the letter tentatively, dark eyes focusing on the crimson stain that painted a corner of the envelope, his stomach dropping. It smelled faintly of gunpowder and when he turned it in his hand, the faded address of Riza’s childhood home stared back at him.

Heart skipping a beat, Roy’s gaze jumped from the broken seal to the blonde beside him. “What’s this?”

“The night before I was reassigned to Bradley’s office, you’d wanted to read it, but never did,” she countered.

When Roy simply stared at her, Riza cocked her head, waiting patiently for him to follow through.

Knowing she wouldn’t let it go, Roy pulled out the letter and began to read. It startled him to be reading words written in his own hand from years ago, the tone of the letter much different from any correspondence he’d written since Ishval. He didn’t even remember writing the letter, it’s significance to him apparently nothing, but it had obviously meant a great deal to her.

“Why’d you keep this?” He questioned. 

“At first it was to remind me why I joined up.” Riza linked their hands once more. “ And then it was to remind me why I stayed.”

He knew it was a stupid question, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Was it worth it?”

“You have to ask?” She questioned, the irritation in voice clear as day. 

For the first time since Riza was forced to leave his side, Roy gave her that boyish grin that made most women weak in the knees. “There is still a lot to do.”

Riza dropped back against her pillows, lids fluttering shut as she tried to keep her demeanor neutral. “Mmhm.”

He watched her for a moment, relieved by the look of peace that had settled over her. It was the first time he’d seen her like this in a long time. “Are you with me?”

Though she didn’t open her eyes, Riza smiled and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Always.”

Roy brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. He couldn’t do the next step without his Queen.


End file.
